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The Sheepskin Consultancy, hereafter known as "The Consultancy" will assess for "Old Sally's Lightly Silted, Inc.", hereafter known as "The Mark", current market conditions and emerging industry trends to create an advertising and promotional  needs survey, hereafter known as "The Survey". 

The Survey will be a multi-media, real-time presentation including an exploded market regression portrait and stratiated strategic projections peaked for full trendline incursions.  "The Mark" will pay us a lot of money. 

The Consultancy will next match the needs analysis with an exhaustive profile of the capabilities of a wide range of possible agency partners.  Finalists will be narrowed down to a foursome of The Consultancy's golfing buddies, with the recommended agency being whichever golfer shoots the highest score without actually beating us.

If the Mark accepts our recommendation, they will pay us another bundle.  If the Mark chooses not to accept our recommendation, The Consultancy will again pass Go and repeat the process until an acceptable match is found or until we accumulate too damn much money even for us.  In either instance, all expenses will be recouped through renegotiation of the compensation structure for the victorious agency.

Once an Agency is agreed upon, The Consultancy will monitor the Agency's performance.  After one year, if it finds advertising has met its objectives, using The Consultancy's patented "Concurrence Vector Matrix", The Consultancy will prepare a survey illustrating the need for a strategic redirection requiring a new agency search.  If the advertising has not met its objectives, The Consultancy will assist The Mark in launching a media blitz deflecting all liability and blame to The Consultancy, which, in turn, will mount a PR initiative demonstrating how the failure stemmed from The Agency's inadequate  adherence to The Consultancy's guidelines   The Mark will pay us more money . . .big bags of cash . . . in abundance.